time travel.

how can i look forward to thinking about yesterday? i am getting close to the end now. i feel the kinetic momentum towards the return. i have to slow down and stay at a good pace now though. the time is going by faster and i have more left to do. i leave for stockholm in 8 hours. i ate some raw meat tonite. it was good. i heard about a postcard that had a hamburger karaoke band on it? jeez. that sound too good to be true. on a side note, i bought shoes for 6 pounds at a grandma shoe store. i hope i like them in a week. the guy in the shop kept laughing at me for initially asking for a size 10 womens- which at home is what i am- but here i am a size 8. i didn't think it was that funny but the dude was cracking himself up. i want to record a lot this week. london has been good. mainly the conversation and walking. met a cool group of graphic designers and they invited me to the studio and they pretty much blew my mind with all the cool work they have been doing. i ate lunch with them and they fed me some wierd fishy potato thing. it tasted better when they showed me the neat magazine they made. oh yeah, and they made mugs with drawings of their friends faces on it. they do a drawing of everyone they know and then slowly add them to this huge file of face drawings. i had my picture taken so they could draw me, because they know me now.

set the dials back to zero.

i keep finding myself on the eastern side of things. not on earth, but on segments and in time.
just arrived into east london from east africa. 2 weeks in kenya,tanzania, and zanzibar. i can't quite get a handle on anything at the moment. i'm officially in chapter 10. i think it will all start making sense very soon. watching the animals this time was different. we were the caged animals. the endagered species in strange familial vehicles. how beautiful is this planet that we live on. we can't forget. it is not over. i rode on a hot air balloon at 5 in the morning watching the sunrise over the serengeti in tanzania. i could feel it all. a group of zebras will send you into a siezure if you aren't careful. the stripes and the zing zang. zanzibar waters are warm and clear. the sand is bright. i felt torn out when i left the waters. it was too good. i am still in the present. but each day i think about it all. i feel good. i know it will all work out. my dials are at zero.

at a flat on my own. which is nice. i have my things and a place to rest my head. jerome has left and i'm going to sit in on the norman j show with chelsea. looking forward to hearing the music they play.

and about the record. because thats what i was set out to do. i start working on it wednesday with marcus doing some singing maybe. i have had a hard time deciding what is best. will be back in bergen on sunday to record. all vocals on same mics. i think that is the best. the thread that holds it together. the mics. will it be nice with a guys voice doing harmonies? or should i do them myself? questions questions.

i know if i talk about it with anyone, i will end up at my own conclusion so i know i must decide on my own. on my own. on my own. i am hungry.

also i know that whatever emotions i am going through, even if i am hurt or rejected, even if i am elated and satiated, even if i am on top of the world, even if i am on the deep end, they are supposed to be there and were handed to me. i have provided these emotions in others and cyclically, they are handed to me. sometimes i just don't know where to put them, where to hold them. how much of it is real and how much of it is from travelling. it becomes fairy tale. one long tale. and then i am home (without a key) , with my feet on the ground, and still wondering. was it all a mistake? do i say too much? i just can't help it.

i'm out. i'm in. london is calling.

what beauty is in this world! the fog rolled in on the beaches yesterday. left just in time to meet the sun in london. sun in london. staying at a loft that is really reminding me of oakland. biding time until africa on saturday. not sleeping much, again. music music money money music music money money. gotta finish the record. think i'll go back to scandi after africa. what are you going through? i could get lost and never be found, i think.

everything is everything.

dude why do we keep reinventing our days into sequenced memory banks? damn. how do thoughts turn inward and backwards? i hate repeating myself. am i a hedonist? am i excessive? i love answering questions. i'm afraid to ask them. i busted my toe open at the alhambra in granada. i put my foot into a 12th century fountain and watched the clear water turn pink. tourists were frightened as the blood was pouring out. i thought i would be more reactionary then i was. i laughed and continued to walk. only later, when i looked down and saw the mess and the lack of skin, was i a little askew.

more metaphors. ok so my favorite wooden ring (which reminds me that i have a wooden mind) broke into 3 pieces as i got off the plane into portugal. every day since, a bird has shat on me. sick! but i found a great parking spot on day 2. whatevs. oh there were 1000 birds swarming above my head yesterday too.

but i am thinking that there is something going on. i feel like a newborn. like a new roommate. wide eyed and common. have i done it all before? no! nothing! there are signs around that are telling me something, i just need to find the key. to open the door. my door is open!

i wonder about skin, how it moves, stretches and how is feels.
i forget things.
i feel like i have lived a few different lives.
there is this one,
and the one "before"

but i think there is another one, too. on the "side"
not before
but on the side. in that space- in that box
next to the compartments
when i procrastinated
all the time- but i think that built me up- strong- i love the pressure! i love the last minute! i thought i would learn from those "mistakes" but instead, they made life beautiful and full of chance. ok so i could spend tons of time wondering and fine tuning and maybe take 8 times as long to get something done
but it doesn't matter
it is temporary and i still feel it all when i do it- and it is deliberate- so it counts. for me, it counts.

i wanna make a records that has dance songs on it. like some seriously produced stuff. the BASS. but i also want to play live in a room. i want to be in a movie. i want to cook a 8 course meal. i want to be the best kisser. i want to hug forever.

on a side note, we went underneath the coolest suspension bridges on our way from portugal to spain, ever.
we ate lots of ham.
we saw the alhambra and AV showed us the best place for churros and chocolate. we saw the mediterranean and it was still. i ate clams and pork today. i cooked for them. i like vodka.

white glows.

portugal X me = dizzy.
was so strange to wake up in portugal after scandi-land.
swimming in blue-green waters and eating dates and manchego cheese.
cool dog names sebastian and got lost driving.
driving to seville and grenada (spain) today. nice to be with m and m.
joking and speaking familiar tones. thomas and liz have a beautiful house with a special room for me. palm tree outside the window. we are on the hunt for goodness.