Oct 7, 2006

everything is everything.

dude why do we keep reinventing our days into sequenced memory banks? damn. how do thoughts turn inward and backwards? i hate repeating myself. am i a hedonist? am i excessive? i love answering questions. i'm afraid to ask them. i busted my toe open at the alhambra in granada. i put my foot into a 12th century fountain and watched the clear water turn pink. tourists were frightened as the blood was pouring out. i thought i would be more reactionary then i was. i laughed and continued to walk. only later, when i looked down and saw the mess and the lack of skin, was i a little askew.

more metaphors. ok so my favorite wooden ring (which reminds me that i have a wooden mind) broke into 3 pieces as i got off the plane into portugal. every day since, a bird has shat on me. sick! but i found a great parking spot on day 2. whatevs. oh there were 1000 birds swarming above my head yesterday too.

but i am thinking that there is something going on. i feel like a newborn. like a new roommate. wide eyed and common. have i done it all before? no! nothing! there are signs around that are telling me something, i just need to find the key. to open the door. my door is open!

i wonder about skin, how it moves, stretches and how is feels.
i forget things.
i feel like i have lived a few different lives.
there is this one,
and the one "before"

but i think there is another one, too. on the "side"
not before
but on the side. in that space- in that box
next to the compartments
when i procrastinated
all the time- but i think that built me up- strong- i love the pressure! i love the last minute! i thought i would learn from those "mistakes" but instead, they made life beautiful and full of chance. ok so i could spend tons of time wondering and fine tuning and maybe take 8 times as long to get something done
but it doesn't matter
it is temporary and i still feel it all when i do it- and it is deliberate- so it counts. for me, it counts.

i wanna make a records that has dance songs on it. like some seriously produced stuff. the BASS. but i also want to play live in a room. i want to be in a movie. i want to cook a 8 course meal. i want to be the best kisser. i want to hug forever.

on a side note, we went underneath the coolest suspension bridges on our way from portugal to spain, ever.
we ate lots of ham.
we saw the alhambra and AV showed us the best place for churros and chocolate. we saw the mediterranean and it was still. i ate clams and pork today. i cooked for them. i like vodka.

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