hunting and gatherings

yesterday:

was woken up by strange men that felt free to walk on through my room at 730am. they continued to carry some kind of community meeting downstairs for hours, drinking coffee and talking at peak volume. kinda funny but kinda not. but sleeping in a communal house, that's what happens. the part that stuck with me all day was when i opened my eyes there was this old dude just standing there in my room speaking swedish to me and all i could do was say "uh... hi? hello?"- and he continued to speak in swedish and then bailed. wierd. same thing happened this morning. same dude. yuck.

emmy, who i met last year, was in town and called early yesterday- so we spent the day together.
looked for chanterelle mushrooms, got stung by nettles, walked though parks, farms, and around lakes. took buses to markets, bought tons of chanterelle and trumpet mushrooms (emmy kept speaking of these creamy mushroom toasts so we had to make them), talked about people, places, music, and got on a ferry, felt the air bounce off of the water and onto me, got sore feet, was happy about it, felt like a feeling, and got tired.

marten cooked the mushrooms with emmy, and a roast with garlic and herbs, potatoes with dill, and good beer. the mushrooms were sauteed, then flour, cream, butter, s & p- and then put on toast. dude. was so good. some folks came over for the dinner at "my place" which has a huge kitchen and dining room table. it was awesome. was trying to blow some minds with the dinner cd mix i made. karl-jonas cared. (thanks to the sorcerer for the rubies tour road jams)

i am gonna just list things on this entry.
saw marcus in his uniform with kj.
thought about my last few jobs. and my first one at that bakery. i liked it.

saw maria dj. she glows. thinking a lot about what i'm going to different at the show this saturday at ugglan. i want to stand on something and i want yellow balloons.

i set up a recording studio-ish zone in my room.
i used the wooden beams to hang 2 shure mics with rope.
one for the room/guitar and one for vocals. recorded 2 songs of marcus and whoa they sound really good. i've been learning a lot about recording this month. the right EQ's the right reverbs the right compression. i want to be a producer.

had a total meltdown last night though.
it can all be too much sometimes
missing family and friends
feeling alone and wondering why why why all the time
but i know that life is good
and i am healthy
but sometimes i can't help but feel it all
like a child i think - it doesn't hide itself- it is just all right there in front of me- why am i singing this songs? what am i singing about? and it's hard to not have a home. but t reminded me of how beautiful it all is, and that i am making it happen and not having a home, and travelling is rare, but being home doing the day to day things will always be there so i should get into all of this. i am into it. i am lonely and miss people understanding me. i guess in the end we just want to be loved. sometimes i feel like i am the last person without it...but i know it is rare and unique and i just have to be patient. i am a lot. i give a lot. i stopped giving last night for an hour. i had to just be still and wonder. hugs are powerful when you remember that you are holding another person and all of what they are, in your arms.